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Dark Mirror (Sci-fi)

 
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Ratedargh
Kitten


Joined: 17 Apr 2018
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:22 pm    Post subject: Dark Mirror (Sci-fi) Reply with quote #50758

Here's my (in progress) logline:

A time traveling android who reveals the darkness of those around her struggles to bring about her own creation by destroying her creator.

High concept pitch:

He created a dark mirror and now she wants a life of her own.

Thanks in advance. This is my first attempt at writing a screenplay so I know I've a lot to learn.




Last edited by Ratedargh on Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Ratedargh
Kitten


Joined: 17 Apr 2018
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:23 pm    Post subject: My beats Reply with quote #50759

Here's the beat list:

Project Title:Dark Mirror (working title)
Genre: SciFi
Date: 2/6/2018

Opening Image (1): Two Face, ephemeral, talks to Boy about her creation and how he could create something as wonderful as her if wanted to. This fades into older Professor who was merely dreaming.
Theme Stated (5): Are we who we present ourselves to others, who we think of in our private thoughts, or is there another deeper, truer, self?
Set-up (1-10): Old Professor, nearing the end of his life and desperate to figure out where he went wrong in life, realizes he won’t be able to complete his project in time and is reluctant to share it with anyone else. His project: A woman with a mirror face who reveals the truth of one’s soul. Old Professor discovers a way to send information back in time to his younger self, but wonders what the consequences will be. Two Face is there, but he doesn’t realize it’s her.
Catalyst (12): Old Professor discovers he is about to die.
Debate (12-25): Old Professor wonders about paradoxes. (If he sends the information back in time in order to have more time to work on it and subsequently finishes the work, then when time catches up will he still be able to send it back?)Two Face works to overcome his objections.
Break Into Two (25): Old Professor sends the information to his younger self.
B Story (30): A young Professor is Lost until he meets Two Face who both feeds his darkest urges and drives him out of the rut he’d been stuck in.
Fun and Games (30-55): Professor is living a dual life: partially a respected member of the upper echelon, partly living a life of chemical/sexual dependency. Two Face steps in and helps him accept his darkness and realize he shouldn’t need to hide it. (He still doesn’t know it’s her) While embracing the darkness we see the beginnings of him neglecting his work, but he doesn’t see it yet. We see the info sent by Old Professor, but it is soon discarded and forgotten as he can’t see the point in creating something that reveals the darkest part of oneself. Two Face also influences those around him, bringing about their darkness which will work against him later.
Midpoint (55): False High. Professor, with Two Face in constant tow, thinks his life is now fulfilled.
Bad Guys Close In (55-75): Professor begins to realize that Two Face has ulterior motives and has been manipulating him. His recent embrace of his darkness is beginning to have consequences and everything is crashing down on him.
All is Lost (75): Everything catches up to Professor. He loses his company, his influence, and Two Face. Considers ending it all because what’s the point?
Dark Night of the Soul (75-85): Professor, despondent, is setting his affairs in order. He has given up, realizing that he’s allowed his darkness to destroy him.
Break Into Three (85): He finds the info sent by Old Professor and realizes if he’d been able to see and understand who he was he could have prevented his own downfall. Even if it’s too late for him he can help others, which he’s finally begun to care about.
Finale (85-110): Professor uses his info to take back his company, and finally creates Two Face. We discover the real victory is Two Faces’ as she was using the Professor to bring about her creation.
Final Image (110): Two Face returns to the Boy, this time as a solid being. She encourages him and sets him on the path that will eventually lead to her creation. We see she's revealed to him just a hint of his own darkness.


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RobbRoss
Liger


Joined: 04 Jan 2012
Posts: 1655

PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2018 8:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote #50762

I read everything and don't fully understand it. The main concern from the beat sheet is apparent in the logline so let's go back to Square One.

The concern is that there are two stories at play instead of one. There's the intriguing mirror idea and there's the typical time travel idea. The mirror doesn't need a time traveling plot so adding it not only makes it confusing, it prevents the mirror idea from being fully explored. Take a step back and think of the mirror angle without time travel and without creation.

The other way, if you're set on writing an android time traveling tale, then cut the mirror stuff.

As they say, keep it simple. Or Black Vet.


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Bryan Reeves
Laza-tiger


Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Posts: 1447
Location: Central Illinois

PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 5:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Dark Mirror (Sci-fi) Reply with quote #50769

Ratedargh wrote:
Here's my (in progress) logline:

A time traveling android who reveals the darkness of those around her struggles to bring about her own creation by destroying her creator.


I don't know where this is going. If the android returns in time to destroy the creator, is that with the understanding that the android may no longer exist in the present?

Considering what you've offered (and for logline reviews I don't read the beats) twist the logline to something like:

A time traveling android who reveals the darkness in people must protect from "Cleansers" (other androids who execute judgement) the most vile person ever - her creator.



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