Emotional Scenes - Powerful and moving, not sappy!?

DaveB

Good morning all!

I'm working on final scenes for my drama script. I believe I can write moving and emotional scenes through action; however, I'm stumped on how to write the following scene:

Basically, students and parents have gathered in a school gymnasium to encourage and welcome a student who has gone through hell. I know the dramatic action builds up beautifully to this point... but now I'm stuck. I wrote the scene, and mom thinks it's beautiful! *GAG*. I know the scene is sappy and horrible! How can I ensure my message is interpreted in my writing?

For instance, a student is making a short speech in front of an audience, she's very emotional and can hardly get through what she wants to say. I know I have far too many 'she wipes a tear', 'she pauses, unable to contain her emotions', etc... I recognize that I shouldn't have my script littered with this. Do I stick to the dialogue and trust the reader will pick up on what should be a tough and emotional speech to get through? Tips?
This is the big finale and resolution to a dramatic script and I want it to be moving, not sappy and pathetic.

As well, can anyone think of scripts/movies where the ending contains a crowd of emotional people who are overcome with emotion? I can think of 8 Seconds (i.e. "he's riding for Lane!"). Any others come to mind?

_________________
"... a genius is to me is someone who does something well at something he hates. Anybody can do well at something he loves-- it's just a question of finding the subject" ~ Clint Eastwood

quade · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:05 pm Post subject:

A lot depends on what has lead up to this moment. If you've set up the situation well enough, for instance a person who has never previously stood up for themselves, normally speaks in terse dialogue, but is now giving the third act "come to Jesus speech" lasting a full page . . . it should be clearly understood without any need to cue the reader that this is a significant change in the character's behavior and should be paid attention to.

Obviously that's an extreme.

Watch any episode of the old "Dragnet" series. I didn't invent the term "come to Jesus speech"; Jack Webb did.

Joe Friday is calm and dispassionate 99% of the time in every episode. "Just the facts, ma'm." However, in the final act he almost always confronts the criminal with a speech to let him know how he REALLY feels about what the criminal has done.

I can pretty much guarantee nowhere in any script did it ever say, "Joe is so angry!"

DaveB · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:18 pm Post subject:

Thanks for the response. Similar to a "did you, or did you not... order the code red!?" "You're God damn right I did!" from "A Few Good Men" or Pacino's speech in "Scent of a Woman". I think that kind of intensity is easier... I guess I'm talking more about tears of happiness or sadness emotion, without making it sappy.

I was hoping to read a few scripts to learn from the pro's. Any suggestions? I can't find the 8 Seconds script, which would help. Any other movies come to mind?

_________________
"... a genius is to me is someone who does something well at something he hates. Anybody can do well at something he loves-- it's just a question of finding the subject" ~ Clint Eastwood

Bryan Reeves

mike72688 · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 9:12 pm Post subject:

This is a good question and somewhat tough to answer without knowing the full story. Does the main character have two contradicting desires which provide conflict leading up to this final scene? Or does the dramatic conflict in this scene come from another angle? Either way, I would try it with keeping your action, and if you haven't already written it this way, show facial expressions and body movements of some of the listeners to indicate their reactions. Interspersing the main characters bodily emotional indicators with dialogue as well as the reactions of the others would be a good combination. If the body language doesn't match the speech because you are using subtext this would add another interesting element. I suggest just trying different combinations.

_________________
Logic and comedy are not always close friends,
nor often even nodding acquaintences.

-- John Vorhaus

DaveB · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:26 pm Post subject:

Thanks!
I actually stumbled upon the script for "Schindler's List". My antagonist remains the same, it's everyone else that has an arc to learn a life lesson. It's the crowd, including three primary characters, that reacts and becomes emotional from what they learned.

I see that SOME but not ALL the emotion was written into Schindler's List between Schindler and Stein.

"Schindler starts to lose it, the tears coming. Stern, too. The look on Schindler's face as his eyes sweep across the faces of the workers is one of apology, begging them to forgive him for not doing more."

"He completely breaks down, weeping convulsively, the emotion he's been holding in for years, spilling out, the guilt consuming him."

That's kind of what I was getting at. Do you write the tears in specifically? Obviously, someone who won an Oscar did.

I believe I need to include a bit, but remove a lot, from my script. The actor's will act, and if my reader hasn't picked up on the emotional significance by my ending, the whole script failed in the first place.

_________________
"... a genius is to me is someone who does something well at something he hates. Anybody can do well at something he loves-- it's just a question of finding the subject" ~ Clint Eastwood

fletch137 · Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 10:14 pm Post subject:

I don't have the emotional depth of a mirror, but I wonder if you could benefit from pulling back from your main character.

If she's addressing a crowd, you could get some mileage in showing the reactions of members of the audience. If you're tired of your main character wiping away tears, showing the class clown quieting down and paying attention or seeing the misunderstood janitor watching from the wings would provide new ways of illustrating the speech's gravity.

MarGir · Kitten Joined: 25 Nov 2012 Posts: 1

I'll be very harsh and say that the premise of your scene (students and parents have gathered in a school gymnasium to encourage and welcome a student who has gone through hell) is in and by itself sappy. Maybe the key would be to jump over it, let the viewer/reader imagine how it went (it's should be obvious to anyone) and then show us the aftermath of the scene, how it impacted on your character. I would at least try it.

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