FT logline - Secret Senior

kaligonow · Cat Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 20

A sluggish office worker gets fired and moves into a privy retirement community to work for his rich and conservative grandparents.

Let me know what you think, and if there are any movies that I should watch/be aware of...

Thanks!

Felicia · Puma Joined: 19 Aug 2009 Posts: 92

Hi,

I wonder what the hero wants and what is standing in the way for him?

All the best!

Nat Hitch · Cat Joined: 10 May 2009 Posts: 13 Location: London

I like the set up!
What happens next? Who is the antagonist?

kaligonow · Cat Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 20

here is a revision:

A sluggish office worker gets fired and moves into a privy retirement community to work for his rich and conservative grandparents. He must then diquise himself to look a little more like the other old timers, before the despotic community manager mistress, wearing a set of false teeth, eats him alive... Young age is not always healthy!

How far do you think this takes me?

fletch137 · Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:28 pm Post subject:

I think I'm missing your story. Basically, a dude needs to disguise himself as an old-timer to stay at an exclusive retirement home? Sort of a septagenarian version of 'Bossom Buddies'? Do I have that right?

The "man-eater" old biddy is good opposition too. I like that. I don't know where the conservative grandparnets come in, though. What do they bring to the story?

But I do think you need more of a ticking clock. Some goal the hero is after that he can be kept from. Looking for a family heirloom or other treasure, perhaps. Maybe trying to get some information from a dying grandma or looking for a chance to doctor a will before the rest of the family can arrive for the reading.

gc_bevan · Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:08 am Post subject:

I like Fletch's suggestions, particularly in thinking about your story from a marketing standpoint. A script about a young man learning to look and act old will probably be very tough to sell, while something involving young/middle age characters fighting over something involving seniors would be easier.

By the way, Sister Act could be worth watching for inspiration.

_________________
Just keep writing, baby...

fletch137 · Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:42 am Post subject:

martinm · Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:03 am Post subject:

I'm not seeing the story - although I like aspects of what you have. Mainly I'm not sure why he has to enter the retirement community - for example, if it's because he lost his job, can't he just find another job? Also, I like Fletch's idea of having to look for something - he needs information that he cannot get except for disguising himself and entering the community. Or perhaps, for example, grandparents are blackmailing him in some way, or he must finish something that the grandparents have started. Also, I'd lose the words "sluggish" and "privy" in the logline - change them to something else. I can't get a clear image of either, and actually, to be honest, I'm not too sure what "privy" means. :-) For some reason I think "sluggish" is a symptom of something deeper that would play better in the logline. I really love Fletch's man-eating "old bitty". :-) What really intrigues me about your idea is imagining a Fun and Games in which the disguised main character must navigate a retirement home full of "old bittys" that are constant obstacles, and who must achieve some goal before being found out.

martinm · Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:18 am Post subject:

Just thought of something else - maybe the main character must learn some lesson that can only be gained by his or her contact with the old people at the retirement center. Perhaps he starts out as a brash, arrogant young man or woman who needs to straighten out priorities. Perhaps sees pictures, awards, signs of past successes and failures while in the retirement home - clips of newspapers, photographs, mementos. Is exposed to "the special world of the inevitability of death." Starts our brash and arrogant and ends up humbled with a greater sense of priorities. Perhaps the old bitty turns into a pivotal character in his life. Maybe old bitty even, at midpoint, realizes that main character is not really who he or she says she is, but keeps silent because, despite old bitty's rough exterior, she is in reality deep down a softie who recognizes a need. And, much to her great surprise, old bitty finds that she wants to help. Perhaps her "secret history" is that she was once an educator, for example. This way main character and old bitty can become impact characters on each other's lives. Main character gets his or her priorities straightened out, and old bitty gets the chance to "drop to ruby necklace into the sea", like Titanic :-), before she dies. Because of the role old bitty plays in hero's life, something which needs mending between main character and grandparents gets healed (A story) and main character grows (B story).

Just some thoughts.

kaligonow · Cat Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 20

Oh Im loving the discussion!! thanks to all of you for your insight! The possibilities are numerous and its difficult to come up with a clear and exciting idea for a story.

Martinm: I like your suggestion, I want to have the "fool out of water" protagonist grow during the course of his venture at the Retirement Center. Also the group of old people will change as well, by interacting with the "fool"! I like thinking about a deeper connection between the "old bitty" and the "fool", however im not set on the goal of the hero yet and I feel like the story would be best if you have two sides: the fool vs. The establishment, and both win in the end.

So many choices!!!! I want less ;) [/i]

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