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Rachel T.
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Joined: 15 Jan 2008
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Location: Michigan
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Felicia
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Joined: 19 Aug 2009
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 Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 2:14 am Post subject: |
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Fletch, not to flatter myself but... that's almost exactly the Act One I've already worked out! Great, so now I know I'm on the right track!
Except I didn't think of the guy being hunky or having a clingy girlfriend - right now he's just a friend of the heroine's and she's doing him a favor to solve some problem for him which I haven't come up with yet. But your idea is nice.
Anyway, I think there might be a misunderstanding going on here, maybe because of the link I posted about the Indian wedding-guest agency... that was just an example, but maybe a confusing one...
So, just to make things clear: my intention was never to tell a story about a "wife for hire" agency - actually my original vision was about this bunch of friends/actors of different sexes and ages and backgrounds, and my idea was to have them acting in a whole range of fun and absurd situations. And having been thinking about it and tried out a BS2, I still think that's the best alternative.
Thank you, Fletch and Rachel.
I'll be back with my BS2 right away, I am curious to hear what you guys think!
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fletch137
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Joined: 09 Apr 2009
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Location: San Diego, CA
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| Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 2:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Felicia wrote: | | Except I didn't think of the guy being hunky or having a clingy girlfriend - right now he's just a friend of the heroine's and she's doing him a favor to solve some problem for him which I haven't come up with yet. But your idea is nice. |
Having the initial guy become the love interest just seemed like a good way to compress the storytelling a bit. You're going to want to introduce the conflict character early in the story, and that's what popped to mind.
That's become a personal foil of mine so I'm overly critical of it in other story pitches. For some reason it's really hard for me to introduce my opposition early enough, so it's become my soapbox.
Carry on.
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Felicia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:43 am Post subject: |
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Actually that's a super interesting tool you got there. Now I've used your ideas and I think your way of compressing the story will help me structure future stories as well.
Okay, with special thanks to Fletch and gc, here's a new logline (which needs to be shorter, I know) and the BS2, so far...
I've tried to keep it short, but it's not easy.
Genre: Buddy Fleece
Logline: After creating an agency with actors who secretely use their acting skills to befriend the lonely rich, an over-ambitious actress finds her new career threatened when she falls in love with the lowly but charming police chief sitting next to her at a dinner party.
1. Opening Image: Hero (around 35) is rehearsing with her actors group, but it’s clear that everyone’s acting careers aren’t going anywhere.
2. Theme Stated: Still thinking about it. Identity, loneliness, moral choice… don’t know yet.
3. Set-Up: Hero is a single mom and an educated actress. She’s poor but has been living off of her passion up until now. All the other five group members are wannabes with full-time jobs.
STTNF:
Hero is tortured by suspecting that her beloved son (10) is bullied in school.
She can’t support herself and fails to get another job.
She envies her friends who earn money, even if it’s not much.
She’s lonely but avoids dating, due to bad experiences.
She has a driving force that easily goes too far.
She loves acting but deep inside she’s not sure if she’s good at it.
4. Catalyst: Hero finds herself spontaneously asked by some hunky guy to pretend to be his girlfriend to get his clingy ex to leave him alone. $100 later, she realizes there might be a future in this.
5. Debate: Will hero use her acting skills to help people in their private lives? She gathers her actor friends to tell them about her new idea that would combine acting with earning money. Different reactions among them.
6. Break into Two: Hero ultimately gets her friends on board. They launch the agency.
7. Fun and Games: Hero and her friends run the agency as it becomes increasingly successful. They meet different people, playing different roles in different situations. They are having fun together, coming closer to each other. Hero surprises her son with gifts. Life is wonderful.
8. B Story: When playing the part of an exec's trophy wife so he can get a promotion, hero meets that hunky guy again. She gets nervous and breaks one of her own two golden rules for the agency: no alcohol at work. They have a wonderful time. She learns he’s a cop.
9. Midpoint: Hero’s uncomfortable and leaves the party. The guy comes after her. They kiss (false victory), but then hero flees the place. She’s broken her golden rule no 2: never fall in love on duty.
10. Bad Guys Close In: Hero now keeps a secret from her friends and feels bad. The hunky guy tries to get in touch with her. Hero’s confronted with the lonely/depressed rich who don't know their new friends are fake, as concerned friends/relatives secretly have contacted the agency. Moral discussions starts within the group, splitting them up. One older guy leaves the group and, now much stronger, makes a fantastic career of his own. After a big fight with her friends, hero meets the guy by accident and they end up in bed. Now they both are deeply in love, but he still thinks she’s married to the exec. Her son starts to ask what she’s doing for a living – lying to people?
11. All Is Lost: When a customer calls the next morning, wanting to hire her, hero’s thrown back into reality. She leaves the guy, knowing they can never meet again.
12. Dark Night of the Soul: Hero is feeling as lonely as her customers, trapped in her false identity which is her only way to support herself and her child. When she has a moment with her son, she suddenly realizes that he wasn’t bullied in school at all. She was, as a child, so it’s always been her worst fear. Acting was her life saver and became her dream of freedom; to be whoever she wanted. But that has nothing to do with her son. Actually, his only wish is his mom finding a new boyfriend.
13. Break into Three: Hero gathers the group of actors and tells them that she’s decided to shut down the agency. She will try to get a normal job, not well-paid but with dignity.
14. Finale: Hero’s confronted by her best friend who says she’s landed a job at the biggest party ever. A lot of money. Hero says no. The friend then gets angry, and reveals she knows about the hunky guy, and that she’ll tell him about the agency. She’ll also tell the group about hero breaking the rules. Hero has to accept. At the party, hero’s panicking when she spots several of the persons she met before, in her different roles. And – the hunky guy is there too.
The disaster is inevitable. Suddenly hero stands up, revealing in public the truth about the agency. Dead silence – then: laughter, applause, cheering. Everyone wants to hire them for their party! How fun! Or… wait a minute… is this just another role? Who is she, really? Hero is nearly crying. She heads for the door, but is stopped by the former group member who now has become a star. He wants her in his new movie, because she’s the best actress ever.
15. Final Image: Leaving the place, hero’s surprised to see the hunky guy waiting outside. He smiles and catches a cab. They’re off together…
Any feedback is very much appreciated!
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Felicia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:55 am Post subject: |
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Her son starts to ask what she’s doing for a living – lying to people? [quote]
This sentence should be somewhere in the middle of the BGCI-section. Otherwise it's confusing...
Sorry (I put it in afterwards and didn't notice).
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fletch137
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Joined: 09 Apr 2009
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Location: San Diego, CA
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:51 am Post subject: |
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Holy carp, Felicia. I got goosebumps.
You managed to find an emotional level to the story I never imagined would exist. When she starts feeling as lonely and isolated as her customers? Brilliant!
The only thing I'd ask for is some more foreshadowing of how her buddy becomes a star. It seemed kind of out of nowhere. I suspect you'll need to lay some groundwork about how that happened. Was he a washed up former child actor who finally got a return call from his agent?
Otherwise, I really like your beats. Great work.
One last question, though. Why a cop? Does that create a complication or some symbolism I'm missing? It doesn't seem to factor into it at all.
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Felicia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks fletch, for coming back so soon. And I'm really happy that you like it!
You're right about the buddy becoming a star, I would have to fix that so it doesn't feel coming out of nowhere.
And the cop, well... it really sucks. I guess that was just a left-over from my original idea when I was thinking about what would create the most ironic situation - lying and cheating vs falling in love with someone representing the police... But it's not about criminals, so... no.
Any suggestions for this hunky guy - what type would be the best for this story, and at the same time not a cliché?
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Felicia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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| One more thing. Maybe the Final Image should be something that shows hero acting on stage with hunky guy and the son in the audience... The opposite of Opening Image... I think so. Don't you?
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fletch137
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Location: San Diego, CA
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| Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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While pondering a good career choice for your hunk, a car commercial came on the tv and it made me think how funny it'd be if he were a car dealer. An upward, honest, defies-popular-stereotype car salesman. Everyone *expects* him to be full of lies, but he's not. Even when he's telling the truth, nobody believes him.
Contrast that with Hero's traits where everyone believes her, even though she's always lying.
Might not be the same direction you were thinking, but it makes me chuckle.
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Felicia
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| Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 4:45 am Post subject: |
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I like it!
Sounds like it could be a good help to find my theme as well... And fun too. I'm definetely going to think about it.
Another question came to my mind. Isn't there something wrong with the Midpoint?
The false victory is supposed to be tied to the A Story, right? But the kiss is rather "A- and B-stories cross each other".
So - maybe the false victory is when the exec gets the promotion, as a result of hero's great acting skills, and he's so happy with her that he pays her the double.
And she leaves, but the hunky guy comes after her and they kiss... which we know is going to be a problem.
What do you think..?
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crazrick
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Posts: 655
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| Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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your Theme Stated could be something about acting and passion... like Passion can't truly be convincingly acted, can't be pretend, can't be taught. Passion either Is or it Is Not.
So, the question of the story is, can she prostitute herself well enough to make a passable career of it, without actually having an 'acting career'--- and without becoming emotionally involved with clients, due to her overflowing levels of passion for acting...
that thematic question could be brought up in her acting group, directed at the group or at her specifically for what she brings to the group without really trying (her passion) with the 'acting' vs the emotional involvement with clients being tested during each outing, where usually, the acting/the work/the career is able to sustain itself... until Hunky Guy shows up, that is.
something like that...
write on!
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Felicia
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| Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:36 am Post subject: |
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Great!
And then I think Hunky Guy as an honest car dealer will fit in perfectly, representing the opposite to acting/lying but also far away from everything that's positive about art, which is what hero brings into his life... or something.
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