Logline for Little Warrior

Catabolicat · Cat Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: London, UK

Hi cat family,

I'd like to hear your views on my logline for Little Warrior.

The true story of a Pakistani trainee lawyer who takes on the British legal establishment to prove his white client’s innocence in Europe’s largest terrorist trial.

Suggestions for a better title are very welcome too. I am currently going down different avenues to find the right title but I haven't struck gold yet.

Themes include: xenophobia, self-interest v do the right thing, corruption.

Poster idea: Clean shaven young Pakistani lawyer in pin stripe suit escorting a shackled long bearded white terror suspect dressed in prison uniform.

Looking forward to any comments / suggestions!!

Mammoth · Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 12:57 pm Post subject:

Sounds like a great story? Do you have the rights to it?

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Catabolicat · Cat Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: London, UK

Yes, I have been working closely with the lawyer for a while and will soon be able to start doing in-depth interviews with the client.

Several TV stations are chasing the client for exclusives and we are in the process of discussing with a major international broadcaster.

Ralph Dobbins · Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:34 pm Post subject:

IMO “taking on the British law establishment” isn’t very compelling and somewhat implied by the fact that he’s not white and he’s a novice.

I’m reminded of the character of Atticus Finch in Harper Lee’s novel To Kill a Mockingbird.

I’m assuming that your protagonist faces prejudice from both white Christian/Xenophobic/Post 911 Brits as well as Muslim Arabs. I imagine intimidation and death threats would be a believable possibility.

For me that would be more compelling (whether or not it actually happened).

I’m thinking about John Grisham’s A Time To Kill. I don’t remember so much of the legal stuff as I do the terror and racism that Matthew McConaughey and his on screen wife Ashley Judd faced when he defended a black man in the American South who murdered two white men after they raped his ten year old daughter.

With that in mind here’s a logline suggestion:

The true story of a Pakistani law apprentice who risks his life and family to defend a white man; Europe’s most notorious terrorist.

Also, here are some not so great title suggestions that might spark something better for you.

Terror's Defender

Terror's Defense

Radical Justice

Radical Defense

Hope there’s something you can use. Good luck.

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The task of the writer is to make you hear, to make you feel- it is, before all, to make you see. That - and no more, and it is everything.
Joseph Conrad

Catabolicat · Cat Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: London, UK

Hi Ralph,

Thanks for your feedback!

I agree that upping the stakes for our protagonist does amp up the tension. At the moment I am considering how much I can stray from the actual version of events. It is a fine line between creating more drama and losing credibility as this story has already been under severe media scrutiny.

Appreciate your title suggestions. On of the titles I had in front of me yesterday was "Innocent Justice" - obviously innocent being used in the context of unbiased or pure. But I feel it is too on the nose.

Best
Catabolicat

Ralph Dobbins · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:58 am Post subject:

Staying true to the facts really is secondary to telling a dramatic story. Real life for the most part needs some embellishment to be compelling, within reason of course, that's assuming your are writing drama and not a bio pic or doc. For example multiple real life characters are often melded into one. Just my opinion. Perhaps expectations overseas are different.

Keep us posted.

_________________
The task of the writer is to make you hear, to make you feel- it is, before all, to make you see. That - and no more, and it is everything.
Joseph Conrad

martinm · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:03 am Post subject:

Sounds like you might have a nice "David and Goliath story". Be sure that "Goliath" is huge - whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, culturally, environmentally, or all of the above.

Some movies that come to mind are:

Gandhi
The Insider
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Firm
A Few Good Men

M.

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"Clay. Bill Clay."

Catabolicat · Cat Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: London, UK

Hi Ralph,

I agree that it is often necessary to be a bit creative with true stories to make them have enough dramatic dynamite and fit into a film structure. In fact I'm am doing another true story project where I have taken a lot more liberty with regards to creativity. On the Little Warrior project we will have to stay much closer to the actual events as it is likely to be scrutinsed by the media. As the film carries the message of the unbiased truth the film will have to live up to that.

Hi Martin,

Thanks for your comment! It is indeed a David v Goliath story and in this film Goliath is embodied in many forms as you mention. And the stakes are most definitely high as losing out to "Goliath" will mean the client (20 years old) spending the rest of his life in a maximum security prison without having committed a crime.

Thanks to both of you!

FresnoBob · Cub Joined: 25 Feb 2009 Posts: 9

gc_bevan · Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:22 am Post subject:

I think FresnoBob's logline is quite good but agree with Ralph's comments: the stakes now lie with the client rather than the hero lawyer. There's nothing wrong with having a huge problem for a lawyer's client, but the attorney should have something of equal personal significance to fight for.

There are lots of ways to do this, and hopefully at least one will have a basis in the true events. Is the young hero trying to make his father proud, overcome prejudice from British society, stick to his religious ideals or something else? You need more than "to free an innocent man," some personal goal that will explain why this least likely hero would risk British acceptance and Pakistani/Muslim outcast status in picking this fight.

I also think the hero's true motivation should be a mystery in itself. As much as seeing the hero construct an intriguing defense for his client, the patient exploration of our young hero's goal - which he may not initially understand himself - is what will keep the audience hooked.

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Just keep writing, baby...

FresnoBob · Cub Joined: 25 Feb 2009 Posts: 9

Catabolicat · Cat Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: London, UK

Hi guys...thanks for your suggestions. I have reworked the logline to the following:

The true story of an idealistic Pakistani trainee lawyer who risks his dream career to save an innocent white teenager from lifetime imprisonment by fighting Britain’s elite barristers in Europe’s largest terrorist trial.

In my original logline the lawyer's stakes was not saving his innocent client from lifetime imprisonment i.e. fighting for the truth at the expense of personal gain. But I agree with you that it didn't come through strong enough in the original logline. I'd be interesting to know if you think losing one's dream career gives the lawyer enough stakes.

FrensnoBob I hear you on true stories and narrative structure. Fortunately this one seems to fit the beats. Whether it ends up as based on or inspired by etc will also depend on a whole host of lifestory rights issues. But as the logline is very much for kicking the door in and getting attention in the first place I find keeping true story in the logline works well.

gc_bevan your point about progression of hero's motivation is very much like the story is structured. When the lawyer gets on the case and moves into 2act fun and games he slowly discovers the innocence of his client but also discovers how rotten the system is on the inside. At the mid-point it is clear to our hero that he must take matters into his own hands or else a few top barristers will trade in an innocent teenager's life for bonuses and prestige.

FresnoBob · Cub Joined: 25 Feb 2009 Posts: 9

gc_bevan · Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 9:47 pm Post subject:

Another take on the logline:

With his career hanging in the balance, a Pakistani trainee lawyer defends a white teenager accused of terrorism against Britain's barrister elite.

Not great but hopefully this provides food for thought. One thing that definitely seems missing is details on the terrorism - what made this trial so sensational?

p.s. I removed "innocent" from the teen's description. Why spoil the surprise so early?

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Just keep writing, baby...

Catabolicat · Cat Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: London, UK

FresnoBob thanks for your feedback on how grabbing your find "losing dream career". As mentioned I don't think it stacks up well against "life imprisonment" either. I'm am going to try to link the stakes of the lawyer and the teenager more closely - I think that would work better.

With regards to true story or not - a dull story should never make it to the screen. However if it a great story and based on true events it does give it an edge from a marketing perspective. Both when kicking the door in to producers and distributors and well as consumers.

gc_bevan I like your idea about leaving out the "innocent" part.

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