Joined: 25 Jul 2015
Location: FL, USA
|Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 6:28 pm Post subject: Logline: The Everglades (MITH)
|I posted a similar idea to this about a year ago, and finally got back to it and started developing it further. The previous feedback I received was very helpful! I still have some issues with the logline and the fact that it's a MITH, so any feedback is much appreciated!
Logline: A grieving nurse recruits her estranged friends on a trek into the Everglades to find her missing son, but are attacked by indigenous predators and must escape before an approaching hurricane pummels the region.
So, basically what the protag and her friends uncover is this ancient tribe of isolated humans that, after I did some research, could exist in small numbers. I loved that idea. The Everglades are expansive enough that they could hide/house a small tribe on one of its islands. They are the "indigenous predators," in the logline (obviously) but I'm not sure I like calling them "predators." My second issue is that I'm not sure if I want to keep the "hurricane" section of the logline, although it is the ticking clock. I'm just not sure if it makes it too long/too complicated.
Lastly, I am having issues describing this as a MITH, but I don't know what other genre to use. I do have the house (The Everglades), but the monster is supposed to be supernatural, and these indigenous people are not actually supernatural. Also, I was having an issue with the sin. The story deals with the idea that anyone who becomes trapped in the grief cycle are essentially doomed.
My idea was having the sin as the protag not letting-go of her son, even though everyone pretty much knows he's dead. But then, I was thinking the sin could also be the fact that her son wandered into this indigenous tribe's territory and did not respect them or their land, so his mother is now paying for his sin. I'm not sure if these are too convoluted.
Anyways, any feedback would be much appreciated.