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Ratedargh
Kitten


Joined: 17 Apr 2018
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:50 pm    Post subject: Longline help Reply with quote #50760

Longline: A rich man who feels he was suckered out of a fortune is suing the psychic who claimed she was fighting off demons that were preventing him from being with his true love.

Think Social Network but instead of who created Facebook it's what the man sees in the real world vs what the psychic says happened in the spiritual world.

Thanks for any advice!


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RobbRoss
Liger


Joined: 04 Jan 2012
Posts: 1655

PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2018 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote #50761

Welcome!

Next take, aim to tell us what happens in most of the story. This first one covers a few seconds of filing legal documents.


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RobbRoss
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Joined: 04 Jan 2012
Posts: 1655

PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2018 11:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote #50763

Now that I have a few more minutes...

It sounds like the suing part happens near the end of the story. Tell us more about why he goes to a psychic, if we should know there's a scam or just a question of it, if the demons are really just referenced or seen, etc.

It's hard to picture the guy in a positive light if he voluntarily pays the psychic. Why should I care about him if he loses a fortune that way?

Quote:
Think Social Network but instead of who created Facebook it's what the man sees in the real world vs what the psychic says happened in the spiritual world.


Not entirely sure what this means. TSN is not about reality vs. Mark's perspective. He has a certain character, drive, and talent that clash with others. Many protags are like that.

What does the guy see?


Not that these are complete or great, they're examples of a better starting point...

When the love of his life has second thoughts, a reserved entrepreneur falls under the influence of a psychic who charges him more and more to rekindle the relationship. (This makes me think the story can be about the desperation of love, what a man will do for true love.)

A phony psychic has a change of heart and scrambles to repair the damage to a desperate entrepreneur's love life and business.


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RobbRoss
Liger


Joined: 04 Jan 2012
Posts: 1655

PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2018 11:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote #50764

There's also a question of tone or non-STC genre. Do you see this as a drama or comedy or what?

Here's a comedy version:

A gullible entrepreneur finally meets The One- and pays more and more money to a phony psychic who "teaches" him how to battle demons from the spiritual realm that are interfering with his relationship. (Again, not great or complete, but a building block.)


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Bryan Reeves
Laza-tiger


Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Posts: 1447
Location: Central Illinois

PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 5:03 pm    Post subject: Re: Longline help Reply with quote #50768

Ratedargh wrote:
Longline: A rich man who feels he was suckered out of a fortune is suing the psychic who claimed she was fighting off demons that were preventing him from being with his true love...


You've only given us the set-up for your story. Complete the "formula"

Protagonist: Rich man

Goal:: to win a lawsuit against

Antagonist: a psychic

Risk: _________________.

A better story might be that the psychic has milked the rich man of all his wealth, and somehow the rich man has to make a choice between getting his riches back or actually winning his true love.



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"The standard doesn't change."-Mike Tomlin
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